I feel like crap, as usual. But this time it’s different, It’s this kind of feeling I can’t describe where On the outside your body is so automatically used to pretending to be happy that I feel so used up. I almost feel like I’m empty, like there’s nothing left. It’s so sad that you can pretend every single day and finally get used to it where no one knows a single thing about you. Where people around you could be speaking about suicide and depression and absolutely no one in the whole room of 300 people would guess that you are the one who has those thoughts every single day & night.

Its funny how when im talking to someone ill say “I really wanna commit suicide….jokes” and they believe my joke, when in reality im just waiting for the right time to do it.

wow it kind of just kicked in, that I might actually lose you and it’s hurting like hell. Im sorry I wasn’t there, but please don’t leave us. I wish you knew how much I can relate to how you feel, I wish you could know your not alone. I’m sorry life is so cruel to you, I love you so much

Personal.

Just when you think, maybe that person finally noticed how much of a true friend you were, they go again and crush you. Make you feel like total shit, like you mean nothing at all. And you realize that all along they were using you, or telling you things to intentionally hurt you. fuck people, who’s real these days? I used to be able to atleast tell who my friends were but now I feel as if I have none. I’m so alone, I have no one…